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“You have arrived at this page because somewhere deep inside you — beneath the scar tissue, beneath the decades of disappointment, beneath the coaching carousels and the missed field goals and the trades that looked good in April — there is a fan who still believes. We salute you.”

What You Actually Get

Fuller content of the day’s top stories — for all 32 NFL teams, every single day.

Free subscribers see the front page headlines and teasers, team by team. All-Access subscribers get the full articles — every story, complete, delivered to your inbox every day, for every NFL team in the network, not just this one. Same articles. Just longer. Fuller. The whole thing. No “keep reading.”

Plus Seven Weeks of Bonus Content.
One Per Week. Every Cycle. Every Team.

Every All-Access subscriber gets one bonus content piece per week, every week, rotating through all seven formats — and it is not limited to one team. Your subscription unlocks the full Bonus Content library across all 32 NFL team sites in the network. Here is exactly what that looks like on the Dolphins page specifically — the full thing, live, right here, so you know exactly what you are getting before you spend a single dime.

Week One — You Get This
Real Fake Trivia Game

A full Jeopardy-style board built entirely around your team’s history, lore, disasters, and occasional moments of glory. Four categories. Five clues each. $200 through $1,000. The $1,000 questions are genuinely hard. We verified every fact. We are not kidding about that part. Click on any one of the boxes and start the game!

Sunshine, Humidity, Heartbreak The Hafley Reboot The Marino Years The Perfect Record File
$200$200$200$200
$400$400$400$400
$600$600$600$600
$800$800$800$800
$1,000$1,000$1,000$1,000

That’s Week One. Next week you get this →

Week Two — You Get This
Classified Ads

Nine satirical classified ads, three columns, all team-specific. FOR SALE. WANTED. LOST & FOUND. HELP WANTED. ANNOUNCEMENT. NOTICE. PERSONALS. OBITUARIES. The CONTACT line is always the punchline. Always.

For Sale

$212.4M Quarterback Contract — Motivated Seller, Immediate Availability

Signed in 2024. Original contractor threw 15 interceptions in 14 games and was benched for a seventh-round rookie. Asset has since relocated to Atlanta. The contract did not go with him. The 2000 Playoff Victory was not consulted.

ContactJ-E. Sullivan. He is aware. He arrived from Green Bay specifically to be aware.
Wanted

A Postseason Win — Any Year, Any Opponent, Any Conditions

The Dolphins have not recorded a playoff victory since January 2001. Twenty-six seasons. Multiple quarterbacks. Multiple coaches. Multiple plans. The plans were all received. The win was not.

ContactThe Fins Up faithful. They have been patient. They are still patient. They would appreciate a receipt.
Lost & Found

Missing: One (1) Tyreek Hill — Last Seen Hard Rock Stadium

The fastest wide receiver in franchise history has been released as part of the full rebuild. His speed was not retained. His presence has not been replaced. The 2000 Playoff Victory, also not retained, sends its regards.

ContactThe rebuild. It is proceeding. All prior assets have been evaluated. Tyreek Hill is past tense.
Help Wanted

Head Coach — Position Filled; Prior Holder Filed Separately

M. McDaniel occupied this role from 2022 to 2025. Record: 33–35. Playoff wins: zero. The position has been filled by J. Hafley from Green Bay. The GM also arrived from Green Bay. The quarterback also arrived from Green Bay.

ContactJ. Hafley. He is the head coach. He coached the new quarterback in practice for two years. He is confident.
Announcement

The Rebuild Is Proceeding. The Rebuild Is Good. The Rebuild Is Fine.

New coach, new GM, new quarterback — all installed. All arrived from Green Bay. The 2000 Playoff Victory remains the most recent postseason data point. The rebuild does not comment on historical data points at this time.

ContactDolphins PR. This is not a statement of concern. This is a statement of process.
For Sale
Under Review

The Mike McDaniel Era — Four Seasons, Complete Set, Unused January

Four seasons, 33 wins, 35 losses, zero playoff victories, one historic regular season, and a 4–17 record against winning teams. Buyer receives all components. Hope is not included. The 2000 Playoff Victory is a separate line item.

ContactNo further comment at this time. The era has been filed. The file is under review.
Notice

Attn: AFC East — We Have Acknowledged Josh Allen and Drake Maye

The Dolphins formally acknowledge that getting out of this division will be a challenge. The Dolphins have noted the challenge. The Dolphins have signed Malik Willis. The 2000 Playoff Victory was unavailable for comment.

ContactThe AFC East. It has received this notice. It will see the Dolphins in September.
Personals

Seeking: One January Moment Worth Remembering After 2001

Fins Up faithful, lifelong. Have worn aqua and coral through 26 playoff-winless seasons. Have Malik Willis now. Have Jeff Hafley. Have been here before with different names in those roles. Still showing up.

ContactHard Rock Stadium. The seats are still here. The fans are still here. January has the number. It has not called back.
Obituaries

The Tua Tagovailoa Era — Age 5 Seasons, Passed January 2026

One Pro Bowl. One elite season. A $212.4M extension. The fastest receiver in the NFL. Fifteen interceptions in 14 games, then a benching. No playoff win. Survived by the Fins Up faithful, who were there for all of it and remain.

ContactThe 2000 Playoff Victory. It is still the last one. It is not going anywhere.

That’s Week Two. The week after that you get this →

Week Three — You Get This
Top Ten List

A full team-specific Top Ten list. Completely deadpan. Treats every item with total journalistic seriousness. The list below is a sample. Yours will be specific to your team’s particular situation, history, and ongoing triumphs and disasters.

Top Ten Things You Can Buy for $24 at Hard Rock Stadium
  • 10.One domestic beer, purchased beneath a banner celebrating the only perfect season in NFL history, from 1972.
  • 9.Parking, a palm tree’s shade from the gate, past a mural of Tyreek Hill that is quietly being repainted.
  • 8.A J. Hafley whistle, freshly issued, imported from Green Bay along with the GM and the quarterback.
  • 7.Half a stone crab claw, the other half reserved for whichever playoff win finally shows up after 26 years.
  • 6.One Malik Willis jersey, freshly stitched, Green Bay pedigree included.
  • 5.A commemorative $212.4 million contract folder, motivated seller, immediate availability.
  • 4.A laminated printout of the words “the rebuild is proceeding,” suitable for repeating annually since roughly 2000.
  • 3.A pair of vintage aqua and orange sunglasses, Miami Vice edition, extremely resilient given the circumstances.
  • 2.Four months of this subscription. Which includes 16 pieces of premium satirical content, a trivia game, classified ads, a children's book, and a staff that has personally counted all 26 seasons since the last playoff win and is prepared to count a 27th if necessary.
  • 1.Hope, sold under the palm trees, aqua and orange, imported fresh from Green Bay along with everything else.

    • That’s Week Three. Week Four brings this →

    Week Four — You Get This
    Fake eBay Listing

    Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.

    Vintage Helmet — AQUA — ‘The Perfect Season’
    Seller: shula_memories
    Condition: Historically Significant
    A classic aqua helmet from the 1972 undefeated season. We talk about it every single year. It is the only thing keeping us going as we watch the modern franchise struggle to win a playoff game.
    $1,972
    current bid
    The Vault Door — HEAVY — ‘$99.2M Dead Cap’
    Seller: salary_cap_jail
    Condition: Philosophically Compromised
    A massive steel vault door. It represents the $99.2 million in dead cap we are eating after releasing Tua Tagovailoa. We made him rich, and now we are broke. The door is locked. We are trapped.
    $99,200,000
    current bid
    Blank Clipboard — PRISTINE — ‘The Hafley Era’
    Seller: new_coach_new_hope
    Condition: Cautiously Optimistic
    A pristine, completely blank clipboard. Jeff Hafley is the new head coach. Mike McDaniel is gone. The clipboard is blank because we have no idea what the offense will look like without Tua and with Malik Willis.
    $2,026
    current bid
    Tyreek Hill Trade Receipt — REDACTED — ‘Five Picks’
    Seller: all_in_regrets
    Condition: Structurally Unsound
    A heavily redacted trade receipt. We gave up five draft picks for Tyreek Hill. We went all in. We got some fun regular season moments, but zero playoff wins. Now we are rebuilding. Again.
    $5
    current bid
    Super Bowl VIII Ring — GLEAMING — ‘The Last Time’
    Seller: seventies_glory
    Condition: Historically Haunted
    A gleaming gold Super Bowl VIII ring from 1973. The last time we won a championship. Half a century ago. The ghosts of the 70s haunt Hard Rock Stadium, demanding a return to glory that never comes.
    $1,973
    current bid
    Number 1 Draft Card — UNUSED — ‘The Malik Willis Era’
    Seller: qb_carousel_spins
    Condition: Emotionally Unavailable
    A piece of paper with a number 1 on it. Malik Willis is the new starting quarterback. We are terrified. We are hopeful. We are mostly terrified. Please just throw it to Waddle.
    $1
    current bid
    Vintage Sunglasses — AQUA/ORANGE — ‘Miami Vice’
    Seller: south_beach_survivor
    Condition: Enduringly Loyal
    A pair of vintage 1980s aqua and orange sunglasses. They represent the fans who survived the Marino retirement, the Saban disaster, the Gase era, and now the Tua fallout. We still wear the colors.
    $84
    current bid

    That’s Week Four. Then comes this →

    Week Five — You Get This
    The Outer Limits Enquirer

    One team-specific Outer Limits Enquirer front page, every cycle. Completely straight-faced. It sells itself — that’s how funny it is.

    ■ Transmission Received — Parallel Universe Dispatch ■
    Outer Limits Enquirer — Dolphins edition front page
    Signal Strong — Standing By

    That’s Week Five. Week Six delivers this →

    Week Six — You Get This
    NFL Competition Committee Proposes

    Four new proposed NFL rules, each presented with complete regulatory seriousness. The title is always “THE NFL COMPETITION COMMITTEE PROPOSES:” followed by the rule name. Three to five sentences of deadpan satire. A new batch of four rules, every seven-week cycle.

    Official Proposal 1 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Feelings Rule

    Effective immediately, any player who is visibly sad after a penalty will be allowed to challenge the call on emotional grounds. The replay official will review the player’s expression in slow motion. If certified “genuinely devastated” by a panel of three therapists stationed in the press box, the penalty is waived. The Dallas Cowboys have already filed 847 pre-season challenges.

    Official Proposal 2 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Mandatory Honesty From Coaches

    Starting in 2026, head coaches will be required to answer one post-game question with complete honesty. The question will be selected at random by a wheel spin. Early testing was abandoned after three coaches resigned, one cried, and Bill Belichick’s honest answer was legally classified as a threat.

    Official Proposal 3 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Participation Fumble

    In an effort to make fumbles less discouraging, any fumble recovered by the opposing team will now be referred to as an “unintentional lateral.” The player who fumbled will receive a certificate of effort. The team that recovered it will receive six points. Both outcomes will be celebrated equally on the official broadcast.

    Official Proposal 4 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Announcer Accuracy Ratings

    All play-by-play announcers will now be graded in real time by a panel of former players. Phrases such as “he just wanted it more,” “that’s a football player right there,” and “you cannot teach that” will trigger an automatic fine of $500 per occurrence. Early projections suggest the league will be debt-free by Week 3.

    That’s Week Six. And saving the best for last →

    Week Seven — You Get This
    The Children’s Book
    A Landolfi Media Original

    A fully illustrated satirical children’s book, team-specific, written for the fan who has a child who needs to understand why Sunday afternoons are like this. The illustrations are beautiful. The subject matter is not. Both things are intentional.

    Your Team’s Complete Illustrated History — Included With Every Subscription
    “Miami, 1966”
    The Story of the Miami Dolphins — Read the Full Book Below, Cover to Last Page
    Miami, 1966 — page viewer
    Miami, 1966
    The Story of the Miami Dolphins.
    A Landolfi Media Children’s Book.
    Page 1 of 11
    Complete Illustrated History · Cover + 10 Pages · Included With Paid Subscription

    In the upcoming weeks and months with your paid subscription, you can also look forward to titles like these:

    Also In Development — Next Release
    “Why Does Daddy Cry On Sundays?”
    A heartwarming story about a father, his team, and the annual tradition of explaining to a seven-year-old why the season is technically over in Week Eleven. Daddy is going to be okay. He has been through this before. He loves his team. That is the whole story.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “Daddy’s Team Is Very Special (Just Not At Football)”
    A celebration of everything a football team can be excellent at besides winning football games. The uniforms are nice. The stadium is large. The merchandise is widely available. A story about finding joy in the details when the scoreboard is unkind.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “The Night We Almost Made the Playoffs”
    A timeless bedtime story about a very special evening in December when everything was possible. The math worked out. The other teams lost. The tickets were being researched. And then the fourth quarter happened. A story about hope, arithmetic, and the importance of not checking the score too early.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon

    What Subscribers Are Saying

    “I forwarded the Tyreek Hill classified to my sister, who moved to Atlanta. She said ‘we’ll take him.’ I have not forgiven her.”
    — R. Delgado, Coral Gables, Fla. · 5-Month Subscriber
    “My dad still brings up the Perfect Season unprompted at every family dinner. This newsletter finally gave him a trivia card to go with it.”
    — Anonymous · 4-Month Subscriber
    “The trivia card about the Marino Years made my whole tailgate go quiet. No ring. Still the best. We sat with that for a while.”
    — T. Alvarez, Hialeah, Fla. · 6-Month Subscriber
    “My daughter asked why everyone new is from Green Bay. I said that’s just how it works here now. She accepted this.”
    — K. Osei, Kendall, Fla. · 3-Month Subscriber
    “Cancelled after the Hill trade rumors started. Resubscribed once they were confirmed because apparently I need the closure.”
    — Anonymous · Auto-Renew, No Regrets
    “I keep the classifieds on the boat for game days. Fins Up faithful deserve good literature on the water too.”
    — M. Suarez, Key Biscayne, Fla. · 7-Month Subscriber
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    $9/mo

    Everything in Free, plus full daily articles and one new Bonus Content drop every week on a rotating seven-week cycle — a fan trivia game, a fake eBay auction, classified ads, The Outer Limits Enquirer, a children’s book parody, a Top Ten List, and an NFL Competition Committee ruling — for all 32 NFL teams in the network, the Dolphins included. Plus the complete archive, for every team, from day one.

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    Per Day. For Every Team. That Is All We Are Asking.

    $9 per month…just 30 cents / day. That works out to be 3 dimes exactly, or a quarter and a nickel. And it is no longer just one team — that 30 cents covers full articles and Bonus Content for all 32 NFL teams in the network. We are asking you to spend the cost of approximately nothing to have your suffering (and everyone else’s) witnessed, documented, and returned to you in a funnier format than it arrived.

    Other Things You Could Buy for 30¢
    ( If For Some Reason You Really and Truly Didn’t Want to Laugh Today )

    1. A quarter at a vending machine, with a nickel left over. That nickel is yours to keep. It is the only refund this list offers.
    2. Just under a third of a gumball from a machine that still exists somewhere in 1987.
    3. The look on someone’s face when you tell them you subscribe to a satirical NFL newsletter that covers all 32 teams. That look is free. The newsletter is 30 cents a day.
    4. A little over a third of a postage stamp. Stamps are about 80¢ now. Your 30¢ covers roughly the top third. This is not enough to mail anything to anyone. This subscription delivers considerably more — for every NFL team.
    5. About three-quarters of a birthday candle. The kind from the dollar store 10-pack. It will burn for a little over a minute. This subscription burns considerably longer, covers every NFL team, and produces significantly more joy and marginally less wax.
    6. 0.00002% of your team’s starting quarterback’s daily salary. He earns more between breakfast and the first snap than you will spend on this subscription in a year. This year that figure also covers 31 other starting quarterbacks’ teams. We thought you should know that. We are not sure why. It felt relevant.
    7. Nothing at a parking meter in any American city built after 1990. The meter will reject your 30 cents. We will not reject your 30 cents. We will give you seven weeks of content for it — for every NFL team.
    8. A shot glass of gasoline, which might be just enough to get you to an ATM to take out $9 for your first month of All-Access. The math works. The metaphor also works. Please do not drink the gasoline.

    Hey — you’ve made it this far. You’ve looked at all seven weeks of bonus content you’ll be receiving — for all 32 NFL teams, not just this one. You’ve also seen that you’ll be getting daily, full-length headline articles from the entire network — every side article, too. Obviously you love your team with a passion to have lasted this long and smiled this much.

    Yep. We can see you.

    There’s nothing left to do but spend the 30¢ / day and have this feeling — for every NFL team — last the whole year through.

    I mean really — what more is there to think about? Do you want to smile today (and every day) or not?

    “By subscribing you acknowledge that you are a fan in good standing, that you have suffered, that you will continue to suffer, and that $9 per month is a reasonable fee for having that suffering — and the suffering of 31 other NFL fanbases — witnessed and documented with the respect it deserves. Cancel anytime. Your team will not cancel anything. Neither will the other 31. They will all be here next season. And the season after that.”

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    Landolfi Media LLC · We Put The Parity In Parody · All Content Satirical · All Pain Real